They’re coming for me
They’re been watching me ever since I got here
Through every window, behind every door
They’ve been watching me to make sure I do what they want
To make sure I don’t run away
So they can poison me like they’re poisoning themselves
They’re trying to poison me in every way they can
Through the food, the water, the air, everyday household products
They want me to die
And they make me want to die with their efforts
And they trap me here
And if I try to run away
They will come for me
And if I stay
They will come for me when they decide it’s time
Please help me
Help me get out of here
I can’t take it anymore
I want to live
I want to breath clean air
Drink clean water
Eat safe food, and not off the backs of slaves who are also being poisoned
They respect nothing
Here there is only greed and destruction
I’ve had enough of living in fear
Help me, please!
Let me leave!
Let me live!
Let me go back to where I came from!
Four white walls and a tiny window
My eyes welded to this screen
It’s all I need for the world to vanish
Tall men melt right through these walls
They open doors and they walk right in
I can’t seem to shut them out
There’s no escape from their grasping fingers
Puddles will slide under your door
Watch every move, wait for a chance
Unveil your sickness for all to see
All of your actions are a disease
Past rusted tanks
Spewing smoke stacks
I see nothing
Maybe I’m not even here
Gone so far past the point of no return
Goodbye now, I’ve dissolved into the floor.
Someone’s waiting to kill me.
You’d be surprised at how fast that car moved.
Not just yet….
Get me out of here!
Losing my mind.
Here we go…
We create an endless replay of all that you’re running from.
There will never be a way out until you confront it all.
Grinning spheres surrounding me fly through a rusted sky.
Swarms of floating faces – they’ve caught me after all!
“You have to look at this.”
Leave me alone!
“You cannot hide from us.”
Aliens have landed – they wish to impose their will.
Their implants will dole out unending punishment.
“You’ll pay for everything.”
Don’t look at me!
“All of the wrong you’ve done.”
I’m not even here, am I?
The city is rusted and burning down
The creatures it trapped all run free
I tried to escape but they’re all part of me
So there’s no point hiding any longer
One creature tells me I’m worthless
Another tells me I have no power
One creature tells me I’m guilty
Another tells me to just give up
Shut out all your thoughts.
“Show us all your thoughts!”
Here comes a candle to light you to bed…
Here comes the chopper to chop off your head.
Don’t put up a fight…
I am standing before a council of me in my many forms
I am male, female, old, young, happy, sad, angry, confused, and
everything else I’ve ever been or ever will be
I accuse myself and argue over what I’ve done
What is it I have done?
Why am I unworthy to speak to me?
I ask my youngest self of his perspective and I begin to cry before he answers
He is uncomfortable in the cold, dark wooden room
All of a sudden I’m at the bottom of a green hill looking up at the
many forms of me, all naked
We’ve been taken to the place where the child resides,
Where we can feel safe in answering the question:
Why have I accused myself of an anonymous crime?
What is it that I keep making up excuses for?
I cycle through a list until I return to the beginning and do it again
None of it rings true; the root of the issue is obscured
My many selves are divided; I am not in agreement with me
I have lost my oneness, my pure and whole form
I sit and await the answer of the child, the most respected self of all
Yet he cannot speak above the screams of the other forms
“STOP YELLING! LET HIM SPEAK!”
I seek to erase them all to hear what the child says, so they scream louder
“YOU ARE NOT WORTHY OF HEARING WHAT HE HAS TO SAY!!!”
The green hill begins to turn back into the cold room, and I retreat
I cannot handle the scrutiny
“IT’S YOUR COWARDICE THAT BROUGHT YOU HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE!”
spoke one of the selves.
“It’s a good thing you only hurt yourself down here, and not someone
else” said another with biting sarcasm.
But I know that everything is me, and I am everything, and I can’t
bear to watch me hurt myself every day any longer
“GO AHEAD AND HIDE. NUMB YOURSELF TO THE FEELING, OR FEEL IT SO MUCH
THAT YOU CAN’T FUNCTION. EITHER WAY, THE QUESTION REMAINS.”
And as the child began to speak in a small break in the argument, all
other talk subsided and we listened, only to find that he could not
articulate the answer.
Searching for an exit that’s been sealed off by debris
Negativity emanates from a locked box in the center
If I want to end this misery, I have to see what’s inside
But my fear paralyzes me.
I DON’T WANT TO GO IN AND LOOK
I WANT TO GET OUT
ISN’T THERE A WAY OUT OF HERE?
They are ugly and hateful and I think that we should just try to ignore them and they will go away on their own with no examination
No, you are wrong. You will look at them if you ever want to leave.
I’m not in the wrong
You are in the wrong
Please leave me alone
I have done nothing
This isn’t my fault
You don’t understand
I have done nothing
Yes, nothing — I have done nothing of substance.
I have achieved nothing.
I am nothing.
I live in opposition to what I want to create.
I manifest what I oppose and then I fight it harder.
Buried thoughts you lost inside are your silent mantra
I envision a world in which the physical manifestations of our hatred,
fear, and apathy have made our bodies unable to sustain themselves and
our environment unfit to live in. If we continue along our current
path, we will no longer be able to walk, for our bodies will become
too flimsy to sustain our weight. We will no longer be able to
breathe the air. We will rely on special suits that filter the
pollution from the air to allow us to breathe and support our weight
to help us stand. The suit will provide food and water intravenously,
as natural food or water sources will no longer be safe. These suits
will be scarce since the resources necessary to make them will be
exhausted. We will no longer be able to reproduce, for chemical
exposure will create so many reproductive disorders that all new
humans must be grown in labs. We will not develop the technology to
colonize other planets in time to leave, so we will be forced to stay
on a ruined Earth. What will we live for?
Help me understand a world where everyone’s trying to kill everyone.
What’s the point of this? Let me out! I know that this is wrong!
Make it stop! Please!
We tear ourselves apart, piece by piece
I am just as guilty as the rest
And there’s no end to this
I am trapped in this cycle and I can’t get out
I’m incriminated by being alive
I’m out of options
I don’t need a safe place. I’ll live just like this
With defenses up all the time.
Everyone’s against me. All out for themselves.
They can’t even see that they’re killing us all
Stress comes out in my body
It tries to help me on my path to die
The body disintegrates as the mind falls apart
Yet I can’t even bring myself to give up
My thoughts are the source of my misery
My worldview paints the world around me
I made a choice to be scared.
I made a choice to run away and hide.
It was under my control the entire time.
We are always abusing everything
The outside, just as the inside
And I can’t change either one
I have no power so I have no worth
I cannot make the change I need to see to live
Change the world around and within me
End the cycle of abuse
No place is safe
Love is just a lie
Everyone on earth perpetuates this violence
I cannot be useful
I cannot create change
All that I can do is cause more pain
We need to stay below the ground.
Best off 9 feet belong the ground.
But I’m not any better
I’m at war with me
I always was a failure
I never could live up to my own expectations
It’s better to give up.
The entities inside me are tearing me apart
They magnify my thoughts and the rumination starts
A pitiful assistance for feeble death attempts
Yet I’m still going nowhere, I am not exempt
This will be last my self-torture session.
My body is a prison. My mind is a prison.
I have to free myself. There must be an exit.
I just wanted to love all there is and open up my heart
I just wanted to embrace but I was afraid of all I saw
Help me heal and become whole.
It’s time to live above the ground.
Time to accept what you have found.
Old subway station, alone and deserted
There’s no reason to live here anymore
Please! Just a moment of reprieve
Free me from this chaos
Calm down. Take a moment to breathe. Ground yourself.
Make peace with the world.
Surrender. You’re wasting your energy.
Live in faith, not in fear. Work to change what you know from a place of peace
Don’t worry about what you don’t know.
JUST CALM DOWN!
YOU’RE WASTING YOUR ENERGY!
- Arrival in a Distant Land
- Ranting Prophet
- Fear of Humanity
- My Alien Father
- Retreat Underground
- Subway Dwellers
- Defense Highway
- Inner Sanctum
- Languishing in Lower Chakras
- Curing Somatization
Arrival in a Distant Land
Pulled aside and asked to wait
If I leave, they take me right back
“You’re staying here for many years
And you will not leave.”
And I can’t get out.
This is your home now.”
Once you’re here, you’ll fall apart
Build a life – a work of art
There’s too much here to comprehend
Very soon, we all begin to
Pretend that we’re somewhere else
You can never stop this
Fighting it is worthless
All of your objections
Are powerless before it
You cannot outrun this
Can never escape this
Just know it will get you
Everything will get you
Surrounded by the wounded
Soon you will become one
Trying to find solace
In any place you can so
Turning to the trashed life
Turning to religion
Now its time to worship.
You have bowed enough now
Get up off your knees
Praying will not save you
From what lies around you
Disappear in movies
Every single dogma
None of it has substance
You are terrified but
You think there’s a way out
There is not a way out
You are in denial
You cannot escape this
Can’t run away from this
You cannot prevent this
You can never stop this
(Keep trying?) You are doomed to fight this battle alone (Give up!)
(Accept this) You are not allowed to give up and go home (enough)
(To live out) Reconcile or escalate, let go (your life)
(In peace not) Sheath your sword and maybe you’ll make it through (in fright)
Once you’re gone, you fall apart
The arguments become an art
The voices start and won’t relent
We’ve become addicted to
pretending we’re somewhere else
Fear of Humanity
Drifting fever in the air
They reappear tonight
I’m afraid of tumors
They’re trying to make them grow in me
Distorting all my humors
The chemical ooze surrounding me
Sickness spills out from your mouth
A wordless noise
Please let me be alone
Lost in an endless city where smog obstructs the sky
The earth breathes in the fumes that will cause us all to die
The entities surround me
Their smiles filled with despair
Their eyes empty reflections of thick and clouded air
Amid the hulks of houses
You won’t find any mirth
Just lusty old skyscrapers which penetrate the Earth
And from between the cracks in the only world you know
A host of beings seeps through from where you want to go
I am forever trapped here
This urban hell remains
With all spectres sustained by a deadly white cocaine
And I cannot return to the place where I come from
When all the walls that trap me secrete a sickly scum
My Alien Father
They left us
But return to visit
Abductions happen at night
Will they return us alive?
They made us
Just to mine their gold
Now they hide
Shapeshifters control us
The truth is out there for us to find
Keep looking, we might run out of time
They’re out there
They watch us
Where are you?
I’ve been waiting and waiting
Please greet me
What have they placed inside my brain?
I am called to their homing beacon
Will you enslave my body and mind?
Or will you cure me, bring me to life?
RUN – It’s time to leave this place behind
RUN – It isn’t safe on ground or sky
RUN – There’s nothing left for me out here
RUN – I need a safe place, free from fear
HEY, YOU – STOP! They will not let me run away
STOP! They give me no choice but to stay
STOP! I’ll go where I cannot be found
STOP! It’s time to retreat underground
Walk beside me, Astaroth
Lead me away from the lost
Digging holes to use for transit
We will live beneath the dirt
Walk beside me, Metatron
Can you shelter me for long?
I’ll crawl back into the womb now (So warm inside)
I descend into the Earth (I’ll lie within)
Old subway station lies empty and restless
Train lines wind endless below crooked streets
Here we hide
I hope they don’t find us here
But I feel they’re always near
Bodies without faces bustle into subway cars
The metal doors close on them and they’re trapped behind bars
Rust colors prevail, mostly shrouded in shadows
And the walls are lit by a faint orange glow
A man comes from behind
He says he’s gonna die
Please get lost
How many of us hide here in that scant and feeble light?
The tunnel dwellers shun us and we travel in fright
We can’t think up original sins when we’re safe
This safety isn’t shelter
It’s so cold
The tracks bend under spinning wheels and the lights melt the walls
Foundation pillars crumble, but the ceiling stays up
The station folds in on itself so you cannot ever leave
You’re trapped as your small world falls apart
The traincar leaves the station crashing into endless dark
It returns exactly at the time it starts to embark
Time goes around in circles and the days are all the same
Our senses have all vanished and we’ve never felt the rain
(And we can’t get out)
Why should we be trapped by our own making?
Why should we step back and let this happen?
Whose idea was all of this? Someone tell me please…
Could you talk a little louder cause I can’t hear what you really mean…
Could you talk a little louder cause I can’t hear you at all
I wander through memories (My only friends)
A maze of places I’ve been (I’m lost in here)
Tunnels leading to rooms within (The senses disconnected)
But I can’t find you, no matter how hard I look
Because I can’t find my way back to the present
I am trapped so deep inside myself that
My eyes cannot see what is before me
Time and space have both lost all their meaning
One door opens while others are closing
I walk through but don’t know where it’s leading
Moving through my past to find connections
That I’d given up long ago
Bury myself deep inside
Living only half alive
Disoriented, looming threats increasing fright
Automatic, the defenses trigger smiles
Retreat! Alarm! (Turn back now)
I can hear them!
I can see them!
I have to hide!
Get me out of here!
I cannot hide if I do not know where I am!
And if they find me, will I be trapped by what surrounds?!
Waiting to find something I can hold on to!
But there is nothing around me that is consistent
I need what I fear and fear what I need
I remember alluring warnings
I opened my chest for you
And I was alive
You’re just a story now
But I’m still here, alone
Night falls and night falls again
For you, my dear, I’m waiting here
Leaves turn and time stalls within
For you, my dear, I’m waiting here
We cannot bring a life into a world of violence
But I can’t let go…
Walking and waiting
Moving and searching
Trying to find a way out
Red sky is calling
Dark clouds are hovering
No false suns blink above
Have I found a way out?
My surroundings deceive all my senses
I can’t find my way back to the present
Is this real or all just recollection?
Help me find a way out
You were standing there in dreams
Your eyes hid smiles
This room is empty now, but I’m still here
Wondering when I will return to the world of the living again
Do I even want to leave?
A half-visible man sits on a chair and talks to me
My smirking friend with dead eyes
And he beckons me to come with him and leave this realm forever
He takes me to a hidden place deep inside me
As deep as I can go before I’m lost forever
Should I trust him?
His hands reach out for my hands
Offering comfort from within
I hear them lurking at my back door
Their tentacles reach out for me
I board the windows, but what if they break through?
There’s only safety in your hidden place
Please take me there
They’ll be here before the dawn
I should hide before they come
“Please step in
You are safe in here
Safe from the lies of the world outside
And I’ll provide all you need
Just step inside and you’ll drift away…
Just let go…
For in here paradise awaits you forever
You will fall deep into an everlasting sleep
I open my eyes to see this city collapse around me
I shut them again seeking return to the safety of sleep.
Falling rubble kills all vacancy.
Clinging to these crumbling constructs leads to nowhere.
I can hide no longer, and I can run no further.
I am surrounded by myriad beings all spewing virulent words about me.
They’re relentless. They seek to suppress me and delete my power.
I could not sleep – restless stagnation forced me out of every dead end.
Hell follows me – all of these demons have worn down every last defense.
I am here to keep myself safe from all of the people out there who will hurt me.
I am here to keep everyone safe from what is inside me.
I built this city to hide.
What if all of the words that trap me here are written on this city’s foundation?
I wander through the rubble, searching for some sort of entrance
Below the tallest building, the deepest basement is hiding
I open the door, terrified to see things I’ve locked away and have forgotten.
What makes me a threat to myself and to all those around me?
In trying to create something, I destroy what’s beautiful.
I try to save and I kill instead.
In trying to prevent sickness, I would make it manifest.
I have poisoned my own children over and over again.
I strive for love but I’m in hate’s grasp
Fear is my one form of wealth
Repeating thoughts I have magnified
Why do I torture myself?
This city can’t control all that I see.
This city has no power over me.
It’s taken on a life of its own.
And I can let it go.
I AM ALIVE!
This is your home now.
Step outside –
You’re not alone.